Carers, family and friends eating disorder support

There is support available to carers of those living with an eating disorder. Caring for someone who is living with an eating disorder can feel overwhelming. Carers often report that supporting their loved one affects their own physical and mental health, and so it’s important that you have your own support network and positive coping mechanisms. It’s important to take care of yourself and be supported, as caring for others can be very stressful.

The charity BEAT provides plenty of support for carers of those with eating disorders, and their friends and family. BEAT have helplines, online support group, and advice to help.

There may be local support groups for carers of all kinds of people in your local area. Have a look on community websites and social media pages to see what’s available in your area.

If you’re worried someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder or may be showing early signs of disordered eating, one thing that can be helpful is to have a conversation about it.  Some tips for beginning to talk about it include:

• Choose a place where you both feel safe and won’t be disturbed. If you’re one of several people who have felt concerned, don’t talk together as they may feel ambushed. Decide who they are most likely to open up to.
• Choose a time when neither of you feels angry or upset. Avoid any time just before or after meals.
• Have some information with you that you can refer to if you’re able. You could share it with them or leave it with them to look at by themselves.
• Try not to centre the conversation around food or weight. While it may be necessary to bring this up to explain why you’re worried, these may be things they’re particularly sensitive about. At their roots, eating disorders are about what the person is feeling rather than how they’re treating food.
• Try not to back them into a corner or use language that could feel accusatory. “I wondered if you’d like to talk about how you’re feeling” is a gentler approach than “You need to get help”, for example.
• They may be angry and defensive. Try to avoid getting angry in response, and don’t be disheartened. Reassure them that you’ll be there when they’re ready, and that your concern is their wellbeing.
• Don’t wait too long before approaching them again. It might feel even harder than the first conversation, especially if they didn’t react well, but if you’re still worried, keeping quiet about it won’t help. Remember, eating disorders thrive on secrecy.

You can encourage them to speak to their GP as a first step. Their GP will consider a referral to the eating disorder service if it’s appropriate.

You can share the BEAT website with them, which has plenty of resources for someone with an eating disorder.

It’s important to remember that someone might not want to talk about it, or don’t want to receive support. If you’re concerned about their wellbeing or if you think they are at risk, you can call the NHS crisis line on 111 and select the mental health option.

There are preconceived ideas about eating disorders, many of which are not true. Understanding these ideas and perceptions, and dispelling them, are helpful for someone going through an eating disorder as well as their carers, friends, and family. Here we dispel some of the common myths.

Only girls suffer from eating disorders – Often people think that only girls are affected by eating disorders. This is not the case. It is estimated that around 10%-20% percent of people experiencing eating disorders are male.

Achieving a normal weight means you’re cured – Being healthy weight for your age, height, and sex is an important part of recovery, but it’s important to feel better about yourself and your body, and not to worry about food and eating.

Eating disorders are a phase – Once an eating disorder is established, it can be hard to get out of it on your own. Eating disorders are serious mental health difficulties, and it’s unlikely to resolve without specialist intervention and support.

Families are usually to blame – There’s no evidence to suggest that families cause eating disorders. We do know is that family support as part of their care plan gives young people the best chance of recovery.

People choose to have an eating disorder – Eating disorders are very distressing for the person, and there are many factors that contribute to the development of an eating disorder including biological, social, psychological, and interpersonal factors. People don’t choose to have an eating disorder.

Eating disorders are about attention seeking and vanity – There is a link between not liking your body and the development of an eating disorder, this isn’t the case for everyone. It doesn’t mean that it’s just an attempt to gain attention. People with eating disorders often go to huge lengths to hide their bodies from others.

You can tell by someone’s appearance that they have an eating disorder – Often people think that you have to be underweight to have an eating disorder but many individuals may be a normal weight or overweight. It’s also true that not everyone who’s underweight has an eating disorder. It’s not possible to tell just by looking at someone whether they have an eating disorder.

Eating disorders are primarily about food – Whilst eating disorders appear to be centred around food, this is best understood as a way of managing issues, difficult emotions, or distress that are often unrelated to food.

You’ll have an eating disorder for life – Full recovery from an eating disorder is possible. We believe that we can work with people to help make this their reality.